I did NOT want to get up at 8am but I didn't have a choice. I had to shower and pack before 9, so I dragged myself up. While packing, Jean came in and talked to Heather and I. Then as 9am approached, Heather went to wake up Eric and Marissa. I was so touched because Eric actually woke up for me!!! For a 16 yr old ornery teenager to do so (especially Eric) showed how much he loved me. I felt so loved (and relieved that he like me). And Marissa was so sweet because she just kept hugging me. I left the house at 9.30am with much reluctance and sadness.
Off to the Clarks for one last good-bye. And I got REALLY sad here. No, not because of Ben. Please. The Clarks had treated me so well and I was leaving. The entire family had gotten up to say good-bye to me! Even Spence (who was still sleeping when I came) woke up and charged straight to hug me. I felt so loved! Laurie (the mom) packed some brownies for me. Aww...
We left at 10.15am and imagine how happy I was again when Ben actually got into the car as well to send me off! Heather, Zach, Ben and I... I was so tweeter-pattered. I couldn't believe that he would actually send me off.
And now for the depressing part.
Do you know how hard it was to drag myself through the doors of the airport? My heart was just crying when I hugged Heather, Zach and Ben good-bye. Especially Ben, because that will probably be one of the last times I actually meet and talk to him face-to-face. We both have missions to serve next year. I learnt what having a heavy heart really meant during my wait to board the plane. When I boarded the plane, I cried for a brief period because I desperately wanted to leave and run back to Heather, to her family, to the Clarks, to green rainy Washington. Flying back to Utah and seeing brown Utah again didn't help one bit.
It's great that BYU won Utah, because that distracted me (and I really did fly in wearing my BYU gear. Hee hee!). Joyce and Justin also picked me up and brought me to eat at Little World, so that cheered me up. Oh yes, my fortune cookie read "Some one is interested in you. Keep your eyes open". I laughed when I read it because I immediately thought of Ben (naturally). I think this applies more to him though. Maybe I should send it to him...
In a way, I am a masochist. I wanted Ben to like me so badly, but he didn't. I kept hoping and hoping that he would do something, but he never did. Yet, despite the heartbreak it's giving me now, I want to see him and everyone else in Washington again. I know that if I see them again, I'll have to leave again and the pain of separating can be pretty unbearable. But I want to see them again so badly.
I'm still in a slight "mini-depression" mode, and will be for the next few weeks. But I know I will get through it and maybe, just maybe, if I don't fly home to Singapore and save my money, I'm going to ask my parents for permission to go back to Washington again before my mission.
posted by Funkee Ego @ 12:15 AM
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