by the magnificent Keshia Lai
You grew but didn't give me pain
But I'm sorry, the mission was beckoning me
Reluctant and terrified, I set up an appointment
At the cheap(per) place Wisdom Teeth Only.
Dr Bluth, such a nice old kind man
A specialist in wisdom teeth dentistry
I liked him a lot and trusted his words,
"We should only take out those three.
The last one's too near to the nerve
Too risky to pull it, leave it alone!"
I was so amused that he was trying so hard
To convince me to leave it alone
Heck yes- what luck!- I would not touch it!
Saves me money, and there's less pain.
Still, sadly consenting, my heart breaking
I sang, my tears (not really) falling like rain,
"Goodbye my 3 Wondrous Wisdom Teeth
Leave your 1 lonely sister behind
I'll take care of her, I promise I'll try
Under my care she'll be fine."
My vein at my elbow was too small
So they gave me the IV at the hand.
I almost fainted when they did that
But it really wasn't too bad.
Interlude: This ode shall cease rhyming
And convert to a modern-day one
Where the lines don't need to rhyme
(Rhyming consumes too many brain cells and too much time!)
The dentist inclined the chair far back
Then asked me if I felt light headed
And tasted some metal in my mouth
I answered "yes" and closed my eyes
And promptly fell into blissful sleep
Blissful Sleep, O Blissful Sleep!
The dentists promptly went to work
Thank goodness for my blissful sleep!
"Goodbye my 3 Wondrous Wisdom Teeth
Leave your 1 lonely sister behind
I'll take care of her, I promise I'll try
Under my care she'll be fine."
My next contact with consciousness
Was such a whirl, I can't be sure
That two nurses helped poor me
Into a wheelchair and wheeled me to the car
I don't know how (maybe I'm super :p)
I managed a "thanks" and climbed into the car
Of dear Havalah and Brigg
Who had generously sent me there and back
We stopped by Shopko to buy my prescription
And wow! I was alive enough to pay for it myself
Although I gave the cashier 14 dollars
When it was only ten-forty ($10.40, not $14.00- got it?)
Groggy, on drugs (in the wrong way
I didn't get high in any way
If anything, I was at an all time low
And feeling downright miserable)
To make matters worse,
My gum was sore from biting on the disgusting
Blood-soaked, stinky-smelling gauze
(Yes it stunk so bad I smelt it in my mouth!)
And the pain- Oh the sly conniving pain!
I'm quite convinced my painkillers were really placebos
Since their claim to make me less pained and drowsy were false
Sadly, Ibuprofen worked better I discovered
"Goodbye my 3 Wondrous Wisdom Teeth
Leave your 1 lonely sister behind
I'll take care of her, I promise
Under my care she'll be fine."
Sleeping my entire weekend away
I dragged myself to Eric's farewell party
And even watched a 3 hour long movie
That wasn't even worth the pain I endured
Since the above events I've discovered
That Super Woman I AM NOT!
I almost vomitted from eating ice-cream
And almost collapsed from pushing my body too much
But Super Chipmunck- ah! That's me!
The horror I felt just looking at me!
I looked so bad I'm going to skip this part
Because the nightmare is just too hard to recall!
I survived on, not eating, but drinking and slurping
Jell-O and soup and porridge and mash potatoes
If there's one lesson I've learnt from this whole thing
Is that you can slurp anything, even potatoes.
It's been a week since this traumatic experience
I still can't completely open my mouth
There's 2 bruises on the side of my face
But oh how the swelling and pain has decreased!
So was it worth it, the cost and the pain?
YES! Because Dr Bluth signed my mission paper
Very soon one day I will WIDELY open my mouth
And chomp down that hamburger I crave!
"Goodbye my 3 Wondrous Wisdom Teeth
Leave your 1 lonely sister behind
I'll take care of her, I promise I'll try
Under my care she'll be fine."
Here ends my *cough cough* magnificent ode
About my experience getting out
My 3 Wondrous Wisdom Teeth
Although I think the best line of all
That has relation to my experience
Was something I said to Nancy
Who thought it a most hilarious and random line
Though why I can't tell
"I don't want to get pregnant!"
Labels: Missionary Preparation
posted by Funkee Ego @ 9:36 PM
4 Comments:
oh man, hope u are feeling better girl. ur ode was amusing because i would never have tot someone will write one about their teeth-pulling experience. :)
Good work Keshia. You sure will never forget this experience! I hope you continue to feel better. Hang in there!
hilarious. let me tell you...you have some sick ode-writing skillz. :D
*Applaud Applaud** Great ode, great ode... Haha! Hope you feel better by now!
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